A Calling...

So I have been in Houston for two weeks now working. So far, I have yet to do a 2010 tax return, but I have inputted multiple returns for 2007, 2008, and 2009. I have really enjoyed work, seeing the theory and principles I have learned about during my education actually at play, to know what someone else is talking about when discussions about clients come up, but I still have so much to learn. I do not know what to look for in order to help lower someone's tax liability or pay less, but I am sure I will learn in time. But I really have enjoyed my time in Houston so far.

One big development since I have been there, though, is my acceptance into the Discipleship Training School with YWAM Tokyo, so it is a for sure deal! It is very exciting knowing I will be going to Japan in a couple of months. There are so many preparations still to be made, yet I am trusting God that they will be taken care of (Probably a great deal more detail will be following this soon, but I have different plans for this post in conjunction with this topic.)

Even though it has been exciting this past week with work, snow, and confirmation, I could not help but to begin wondering about why I might be going. It is hard to explain: I knew going is what God wanted me to do; I see a great need for Christ in the nation of Japan; I wanted to go oh so badly. But why? I was starting to doubt why I wanted to go. To spread the gospel, of course. To tell others about our great savior. To bring unbelievers into the kingdom of God. But why? Why do that?

Thursday evening, after returning home from work, my neighbor and friend Colby asked me a simple question:

"What did you see in the word today?"

"Man, I haven't had time to look into the word today," I replied.

"What did you see in it yesterday?"

After thinking and knowing that I looked at some scripture the day before, I could not recall any of it, and it was a sad feeling. Eventually, I walked back to my apartment, and pondered it some more, yet it still took me until later that night to open my Bible up. Is it not amazing how hard it is to open your Bible sometimes? You have a desire, you really do, yet you think of a hundred other things you could or would like to or need to do. Praise the Lord that He brought me into His Word, for He definitely had something to show me.

I found myself in 2nd Corinthians that night, marveling at Paul's love for the Corinthian church. It brings me great joy in seeing how he loves all of the churches he writes, even though sometimes he has to bring the smack down on them, too (which is love at work). As I was reading along, taking notes here and there, I eventually came to chapter 3:4-6: "...Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves,but our competence comes from God..." (v.5) Seeing this helped me comprehend that I am not a competent minister, but it is God, through His Spirit, that allows all of us to be a competent ministers for Him.

And just as God gives us the ability to be competent ministers, He calls all of us to be ministers of reconciliation to the world. But it is not us who reconciles others to God, but God reconciles us to Him by sending His son to die for us on the cross! He no longer counts our sins against us! Praise be to God! And for this reason, He makes His appeal to the world through us. We each have a great and important ministry before us, and He works in us to make it happen, so may we all rely on Him and His Spirit to carry on the ministry as we long for and move towards the heavenly house He has prepared for us.

(This comes from 2nd Corinthians 5; if you read this and see something different, please, please, PLEASE comment and tell me so. And I also kind of wrote this through out today, so there might be disconnects, and for that, I apologize if so)

Making One from None

So it's 2011. Big whoop. I am having to get used to writing a one on the end of "201". 2010 was so nice because it had a pattern to it. "20" then "10"; it was rather nice. Alas, it is gone. For now...

But it's not the only pattern broken recently. Like my 174 straight wins in solitaire on "Draw Three" and "Vegas Style" and 5 straight magic poops. Alright, alright, I made those up, but my life really has seen a shift. Shortly after feeling called and choosing to respond towards attending a Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission (YWAM), I was asked if I was interested in a spring internship with an Accounting firm in Houston, MS. I have some previous ties with Houston; I could use the money to support myself; and I could use the experience in working towards my CPA, so I decided to pursue the opportunity. Fast forward, and today was my first day! How exciting!

Yet there was still one big decision to make: move or commute. Houston is 45 minutes from Starkville, yet Houston is a very small town, and unfortunately, unexciting (in most perspectives). I am settled in Starkville, and moving is a hassle. My dad feeds me in Starkville (yes, he literally puts my food in my mouth for me. Wait, what?!), yet I would have to provide for myself. Rent is expensive (when you haven't been playing it), but so is gas. I tried to rationalize, but you know what? My plans are terrible. Absolutely terrible when compared to the Lord's. And you know what He told me to do: move to Houston. You know, when God tell you to do something, it is very exciting, but you know what is not exciting: fully comprehending what God is telling you and realizing it goes against what you want. Yep. That's not exciting, especially if you won't deny yourself, and that is just disobedient. So yeah.

While I wish I could say "Needless to say", but I know I am not always obedient. Yet I am here. And so far, I love it (which doesn't mean too much when all you have is two nights and one day under your belt). Being here has helped me see a little bit of how good I had it in Starkville. My living space was clean, I had food, I had power, I had internet, I had cable, I had central heat and air, I had 3G, I had so many things! Yet now... This morning Colby let me use his dishes and shower so I could go to work. Tonight he took me to the grocery store. Who knows what I will need from him tomorrow.

It has been really interesting so far. I will probably go to Starkville several weekends during my tenure, but honestly, I don't care to that much. I think walking to work is going to start spoiling me pretty soon, making 45 minutes way too long. The 10 minutes to Wal-Mart in Starkville was hard enough, but I kind of miss the 24-hour Supercenter... But I am excited. I think God has some good things in store for me. He has already revealed some of them. I can't wait to see the rest. I hope I will only have the mindset of Paul in Philippians 4:11-13:

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Sorry, athletes, but this isn't about hitting a bunch of home runs, scoring a lot of touchdowns, or making goals; in fact, it should be preparing you for when you DON'T just as much as when you do. Who knows, maybe that's why you write that on your sports paraphernalia. I'll let you alone. For now.

The Year of Traveling

This time last year, I found myself writing a brief summary of the year 2009 in my journal. I had failed to keep a consistent practice of updating it, and I took the free time over the Christmas holidays to write down some things to help me remember the year. It was fun, it was interesting, it was neat seeing how things had changed over the span of 360 so days. Long before it was December, I think, I decided this year would be the Year of Traveling. Oddly enough, this past year has taken me to some places my eyes have seen and feet have trod while also revealing new territories I have never seen at all. Over the year, I have seen so many things and places, beaches and mountains, and it has been a tremendous year. I had the pleasure of walking the beaches of Destin and Pensacola, Florida, even though the wind blew hard enough to cause the sand to cut. I watched fireworks under the sky of Murfreesboro, Tennessee, for the Fourth of July on one of the most restful trips of my life. I visited New Albany, Mississippi (twice) to celebrate the marriage of two friends (actually, four, really), plus an unforgettable late-night escapade to Holly Springs... I sat (literally) in three different cities, Jackson, MS, Memphis, TN, and Springfield, MO, for all four sections of the CPA Exam while also getting to enjoy the company of friends and family while doing so. Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, and South Carolina played a part in a 12 day solo trip to visit multiple friends and one mom. I also got to see Nashville, Chattanooga, and Atlanta again later on with other friends, who I had the honor to grow closer to (and share the awesomeness of my mustache. And my JP-ness). I slept in a new warm sleeping bag in a new big tent in a new beautiful place with my old wise brother in the Sipsey Wilderness, only to return home to hop back in the car to play "Fellowship of the Ring" for a night. I also spent time in GTR, ATL, SFO, YVR, and YXY, seeing the bottom of the Golden Gate Bridge while laid over in San Francisco for 6 hours, waiting for my flight to Vancouver at 6:00 A.M. before getting to spend several days driving the length of British Columbia...

It's truly been an amazing year, yet none of these travels are of any real significance. This past year I have also seen God traversing through my life, picking up burdens I did not have to carry, cutting chains that were holding me back, while placing new thoughts in my mind and revealing light to the paths He wants me to travel next. He has shown me a need for me, for my abilities, my services; He has shown me the truth about the Body of Christ: "The eye cannot say to the hand, 'I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, 'I don't need you!" (1st Corinthians 12:21). We each have a part to play! How awesome is that? It's not that we are needed, but we are wanted! God wants us to have a part in His body. Yet another truth comes with this as well: there are billions of people in the world who do not know the love of the Father. People who wake up every day fearing men, famine, death, maybe even life, yet if they would only know to fear the Lord, the only one who can, after death, send a man to hell. What is death when you have already crossed over to life? Praise the Lord for Life indeed! (Oddly, this statement can be taken in two different ways, both of which I find applicable)

There is so much more I have learned over the past year (even more like the past five months), and I do not have the time for it now. But I do like to look at Romans 8:23-25:

Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit,groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

It is so refreshing to know that Christ's work is not yet complete in us. May we all be patient in this New Year, the dear 2011, on waiting for the work God has for us.

Will You Lie With Me?

Yesterday I made a trip to the grocery store to purchase some food for myself since my parents are out of town visiting my brother and his newly born son. While I was checking out, a 20-something girl walked up, and I looked at her, smiled, and asked, "How's it going?" She replied, "It's going pretty good." I returned my attention to the cashier and while confirming that I heard her by saying, "That's good." Normal everyday life continued as I paid and moved down to collect my purchases until I heard her say, "Will you lie with me?" I dismissed the comment, thinking it was not spoken towards me except it was repeated with emphasis by adding, "Hey, will you lie with me?" I looked up and saw she was looking me directly in the face, and I was going to be forced to reply. Taken aback by the comment and trying to figure out how to respond correctly, I paused for a moment. She helped me out with a little prompting: "Well, I just lied with you, so I feel it is only polite for you to return the favor. So... will you?" Feeling the awkward pressure coming from the presence of the cashier, I only could reply "Sure," hoping I would be able to come up with a better answer before doing anything I did not really want to do. But I was stopped right there. "How are you doing," she questioned. My immediate response, "Good." She grabbed her bags and said, "Good. Hope you have a good rest of the day," and walked away without the expectation of me following or looking back.

Now, this is a very bizarre story, and funny enough, not all of it is true. In fact, there are a lot of lies in this story. First, I did not go to the grocery store; my dad buys food as if we will need to survive two weeks. Second, the cashier was not really a cashier, but the manager; they were short staffed. Third, the girl I spoke to was not good. In fact, judging by the redness in her face, the ice cream in her buggy, and the copy of "When Harry Met Sally" in her hand, she had either just had a fight with her boyfriend and/or they had terminated their relationship. And fourth, the nervous tension in my body and the hidden pregnancy test in my jacket pocket would tell you I was not all that hot myself.

DISCLAIMER: this is NOT some subliminal cry for help, nor have I gotten a girl pregnant. That comment was purely for effect.

However, I would say this is a very common situation. Look at the question she asked again: "Will you lie with me?" The word lie has two meanings: 1) to rest or recline upon an object, and 2) to speak falsely (these are loose definitions). Which do you think she was using? I have had several conversations with friend about how we hate the question "How are you doing" because we ask it or get asked it, and lies are the responses. It is a knee-jerk reflex to say "Good". In most cases, you would probably find that if someone knew the reply would be different than that, they would not ask the question. It locks us into caring about something we do not truly care about. Of course there is a need for us to care for sure, but that is not what I am writing about today.

Think of how often not telling the truth complicates our lives. It hurts relationships, destroys friendships, breaks marriages. And how often is our motivation "to protect someone"? How often does that work? What about when it is to protect ourselves? Fails just as much. But how good is the truth! In Ephesians 4 and 5, Paul writes to us about being Children of Light. Verses 4:20-24 spell out how the Ephesians came into being with Christ, by putting off the old self, being made new in the attitude of your minds, and putting on the new self, and following directly after: "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are members of one body."(v.25) For the rest of the 4th chapter and the beginning of the 5th, we see the calling of the children of light, to be imitators of God, to be without the fruit of sin, culminating in 5:8-14:

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful to even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:

'Wake up, O sleeper,

rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you.'"

I'll be honest, I have not quite figured out exactly what verse 12 means in relation within this passage, but I have discovered for myself the goodness of being truthful and confessing my sins to others, allowing them to see inside my my heart. And when this happens, I see a body of believers who DO care for each other and long to help one another. And I do not see, but feel the presence of my fellow soldiers on my left and on my right as we follow our savior into battle, in our war against sin and the flesh. We have died with Christ, and we have risen with Christ; sin is no longer to be a part of us. But when we separate ourselves from the body, when we push away from it with our lies and half-truths, Satan sweeps in and destroys us.

In the movie "Gladiator", the recreation of Battle of Carthage shows the men staying together as a unit while those standing alone were struck down. Let us praise God for the forgiveness he has for those who venture out, and may we learn to stand together against the forces of evil.

Moonshine and Christmas Songs

So there is no doubt one would say I am a hopeless romantic. I don't know when it really started, but at some point in my life, I discovered I had a very sentimental way of viewing things, of thinking of ways to please and surprise a non-existent girlfriend that I always wanted, and at times when I did have a girlfriend, I would put some of those things in practice, probably usually seeming stalker-ish or strange, never being told so because the girl probably enjoyed being doted upon and liked the attention (seriously, who doesn't like attention from someone, especially the opposite sex). So every night when I look at the moon, be it full or just a sliver, I find myself immediately longing for someone to share the moment with, even if the moment is just walking back to my car from a friend's.

But tonight in particular, I discovered something about myself I maybe have known for a time, brief or extended, yet never really examined. I am in love with the idea of being in love. Crazy, right? But it's NOT! Oh how I long to have someone to hold, someone who cares about me, someone to write (I constantly say I hope to avoid using the phone in my next relationship, but we'll see), someone to love... But is that what God wants? Does he want us to love love or to love another person not as we love ourselves, no, even more than we love ourselves. Man, that is difficult to think about.

I don't always feel lonely, I'd even say rarely, and to keep me from doing so I try to remember these words from a friend of mine: "Saying you are lonely is like saying, 'God is not enough.'" Something like that. I try to remember that so often because God IS enough! He is so much more than enough. I do not want to date God or anything silly like that; no, I long to know my God, to seek Him out, to obey His commands, to follow His will, all of which I struggle at, and I continuously need Him to help me with. But I know that if I pursue Him, and He has it in His will for me, He will give me a wife to glorify and praise Him with, and if he doesn't, He will give me a heart to glorify and praise Him with all the same. I just know that knowing Him is so, so, so much more than loving the idea of being in love and chasing someone who MIGHT fit into the mold I have created for myself.

As for Christmas Songs, they sometimes have the same effect on me. I really wanted to say more on them, but I don't feel like talking about them now. You'd even think I might remove them from the title, but "Moonshine and Christmas Songs just rolls off the tongue too well. Except I imagine no one has actually said them out loud while reading this. I sure didn't while I was writing. What stupid logic...