Saturday, November 27, 2010

Moonshine and Christmas Songs

So there is no doubt one would say I am a hopeless romantic. I don't know when it really started, but at some point in my life, I discovered I had a very sentimental way of viewing things, of thinking of ways to please and surprise a non-existent girlfriend that I always wanted, and at times when I did have a girlfriend, I would put some of those things in practice, probably usually seeming stalker-ish or strange, never being told so because the girl probably enjoyed being doted upon and liked the attention (seriously, who doesn't like attention from someone, especially the opposite sex). So every night when I look at the moon, be it full or just a sliver, I find myself immediately longing for someone to share the moment with, even if the moment is just walking back to my car from a friend's.
But tonight in particular, I discovered something about myself I maybe have known for a time, brief or extended, yet never really examined. I am in love with the idea of being in love. Crazy, right? But it's NOT! Oh how I long to have someone to hold, someone who cares about me, someone to write (I constantly say I hope to avoid using the phone in my next relationship, but we'll see), someone to love... But is that what God wants? Does he want us to love love or to love another person not as we love ourselves, no, even more than we love ourselves. Man, that is difficult to think about.
I don't always feel lonely, I'd even say rarely, and to keep me from doing so I try to remember these words from a friend of mine: "Saying you are lonely is like saying, 'God is not enough.'" Something like that. I try to remember that so often because God IS enough! He is so much more than enough. I do not want to date God or anything silly like that; no, I long to know my God, to seek Him out, to obey His commands, to follow His will, all of which I struggle at, and I continuously need Him to help me with. But I know that if I pursue Him, and He has it in His will for me, He will give me a wife to glorify and praise Him with, and if he doesn't, He will give me a heart to glorify and praise Him with all the same. I just know that knowing Him is so, so, so much more than loving the idea of being in love and chasing someone who MIGHT fit into the mold I have created for myself.

As for Christmas Songs, they sometimes have the same effect on me. I really wanted to say more on them, but I don't feel like talking about them now. You'd even think I might remove them from the title, but "Moonshine and Christmas Songs just rolls off the tongue too well. Except I imagine no one has actually said them out loud while reading this. I sure didn't while I was writing. What stupid logic...